Stop Menopausal Tumblr Stalking

It probably doesn't bode well for me that I'm second to the throne of a media empire, and until last week I had no idea what Tumblr was. Add that to the growing list of company red flags, right above unapproved month-long vacations and Kristie still not understanding how to insert the advertisement code.

Google defines Tumblr as "a microblogging and social networking website." 

I define Tumblr as "the least successful child of MySpace and Linked In"

So how did this all start? I received a message from my Grandmother, a 73 year-old SAINT. She recently retired from her position as a middle school guidance counselor, spoils my family and I with feasts of home-cooked Lebanese food every time I go to visit her, and recently joined Twitter and Instagram to keep up with my escapades. I was unaware her and my great aunt had also managed to infiltrate Tumblr, until last Monday. 

I typically find myself completely and utterly dumbfounded by an occurrence once a month. For example, last month I overheard a grown adult at Soho House say that they would never let their children watch Harry Potter because it may cause them to "become obsessed with trying to learn magic and stop putting effort into their homework." This month it was looking up the Tumblr's of all three Sporting Chic owners and discovering what I now know to be fake quotes or fictional stories.

Let's be clear: I'm not bashing these fictional posts at all. I think its AWESOME we have fans that care so much and show us worlds of support, and I urge you guys to continue. 

But come on people. If your gonna write these fake stories, MAKE ME LOOK GOOD. I have a story. How about "Hey Sam, when was the last time Steph had a date...I heard she's dating a doctor who is very mature and challenges her intellectually." Maybe you guys throw in one of those, instead of making me out to be an anti-social blogger who falls on the wrong side of headbutts from her Brienne of Tarth's sister looking-friends.

So that's one solution: Make these fictional posts baby boomer friendly (potential T-shirt?). Eh, that's not as fun, and probably not gonna happen. After giving it some thought, I think I have a better one. Tumblr has got to pony up and come up with an age filter. If you're gonna be the platform that allows people to post media in formats nobody under the age of 21 even knows exists, you gotta put the rest of us out of the misery of confusion.

@Tumblr, the ball is in your court. My grandmother should be living an unstressed life, filled with grape leaves, tabbouleh, and family gatherings. Stop presenting yourself as senior-citizen friendly and playing on the curiosity of our elders. Stop the tyranny, do the right thing, and help us stop the menopausal Tumblr stalking.