"I thought this would taste like kale chips."
What do you get you you combine 10 of the most competitive women in the tri-state area with a spinach-eating competition? Great content for blossoming sports blogs, that's what.
We overestimated ourselves, folks. We thought this would be a contest of will, endurance, and speed-eating. I'm sorry to say that the bags of spinach were just too big. Honestly, I ate as much spinach as I possibly could in the 5 minutes we did the competition, and there was not even a noticeable dent made into my bag. Dole- you're packing some serious serving sizes.
The most surprising result came from Meghan Duggan. The "Captain America" of the hockey world, if you will, was busted for STUFFING HER POCKETS. I repeat. STUFFING HER POCKETS. In a clear violation of the rules, she was disqualified early on for cheating. That's not what we like to see. She admitted that it was crap and Steph went so far as to question her character. Like Steph says at the beginning of the video, you can't be good at everything, Duggan.
Another shocker was Kristie's inability to keep the spinach in her mouth. She talked such a big game and come to find out, she was holding the spinach in with her hand the entire time. The green stain on her hand will not wash away. Overall, disappointing performance from the person most likely to black out in a fit of fury and swallow the bag whole. (AKA, the group's biggest psychopath.)
Kacey Bellamy, a predicted frontrunner, folded like a sandwich. She demonstrated that while she may be among the most competitive in this group of wacko's, her taste buds are not holding up their end of the bargain. She may jump a 29 inch vert but she can't shovel spinach into her mouth to save her own life.
Haley did seem to be chowing away with a really good rhythm. I'm sad to say that she probably would have taken the cake had we continued the competition. Haley should be disappointed in all of us for giving up so quickly, and especially in her own teammates (Duggan, Decker, etc.) for stuffing their pockets and eliminating the opportunity to have a fair race.
Other prominent moments:
Walter cheering us on in the background, as if this completion bore any weight on our athletic performance gains. The insistence that there was dirt in the bag. The extremely quick decision to change to half a bag. The audible gag at 1:55. Me screaming DISQUALIFIED at everyone.
Featured in this video are: Meghan Duggan, Kacey Bellamy, Brianna Decker, Haley Skarupa, Zoe Hickel, Dana Trig, Amanda Pelkey, Gigi Marvin, and Kelli Stack of the National Women's Hockey League and USA Hockey.
Special thanks to IPF for providing the venue for this event.
Head to the Boston Pride game this Saturday at the Warrior Ice Arena at 7:30pm! Buy tickets here. Kristie and I will be there to cheer on our favorite hockey girls. Come and find us! We promise they skate better than they eat spinach.
*BRADY OR DIE