Our time of reckoning has finally come. I knew it. Things were going too smoothly, we were having too much fun. Disaster has struck sportingchic.com in one of the most hard hitting ways possible for a group of millennials: our Instagram account has been disabled for reasons unknown. Here's what happened:
At 7:19 pm EST, I received a notification that one of the Instagram accounts on my phone had been disabled. Being the selfless, hardworking, sacrifice yourself employee I am, I immediately prayed it was my personal account and not sporting chic.
As we now know these prayers went unanswered. We inquired for help and received the following response from "The Instagram Team:"
Thanks for contacting us. Before we can help, we need you to confirm that you own this account.
Please reply to this email and attach a photo of yourself holding a hand-written copy of the code below.
Please make sure that the photo you send:
- Includes the above code hand-written on a clean sheet of paper, followed by your full name and username
- Clearly shows both the code and your face
Look, I'm not a panicker, and I very rarely show signs of anxiety over logistical problems. That's why we have Sam (aka 'Panic Petunia' as she's commonly known in the soccer world.) But in this case I have to admit the roles were reversed: I WAS RATTLED. Petunia was stoic, calm, cool and collected. She grabbed the bull by the horns, put her pride aside, and responded to the Instagram Team with a speed and efficiency that they rarely see in Silicon Valley:
That's the face of a warrior, folks. A martyr for women's sports who refuses to take no for an answer and will kick down the door if you try to close it on her. Kudos to Sam for her heroic response to a horrible and unfair situation. Now, to the important part. How did this happen and who is responsible.
Suspect #1: Competitors: I don't even know if we have competitors yet. But I'm a Masshole who gets the chip on my shoulder from my mother, Gina McCaffrey. I'm also a Patriots fan. So when the unthinkable happens I automatically resort to my "they hate us cuz they ain't us" primal, our team against the world, instincts. Like I said I'm not sure who you are or why you did this, but you won't get away with it.
Suspect #2: My mother: My mother has been harassing me for months about going over my data on the family plan. She constantly barrages me with forwarded emails and texts from Verizon identifying my number as the culprit. Like sorry I'm trying to get a media empire for women's sports and lifestyle off the ground mom. That takes gigabytes and I suggest you jump on the train. I saw her fiddling with my new iPhone7 plus while I was eating Sushi right before this went down, and I wouldn't put it past her to have reported us herself to save on overage charges before the holidays.
Suspect #3: Kristie: Do I think she did it on purpose? No. Do I think it is in the cards for her to have accidentally been flagged as a robot for excessive fur coat and sequin choker research? Absolutely. Kristie has the best of intentions, but her inability to use the computer for much more than freepeople.com has me thinking she may have clicked a wrong button and triggered this monumental collapse.
Who do you think is responsible? Comment below and share #InstaGate to help us get @sportingchic back!
Click here to get your commemorative @sammymewy #InstaGate hero tee in our store!