I don't think it's a secret to any of our readers that we're inexplicably proud of our own Panic Petunia for everything she's accomplished this year. As someone who sees first hand the dedication and humility Sam approaches every single day of training with, it's been incredible to watch her come into her own this year with the USWNT.
All that being said, it will never cease to amaze me how Samantha continues to provide me with a never ending list of comedic opportunities in the most unexpected of circumstances. Here's my @SammyMewy's #ToN bloody nose recap.
Full disclosure, my eyes filled up with tears as soon as they zoomed in on Sam and showed what seemed to be nothing less than Game of Thrones style nose decapitation. I'm fairly dramatic in general, not because I can't help it, but because sometimes I get bored and its fun to overreact. So I did what every normal dramatic person would do in this situation, and texted her sister without having any clue what the severity of the injury was. It read, "Sam needs a nose job for sure. It's shattered, be ready to be supportive she's gonna be ugly for a very long time."
Take a look at the After the Game pic and then we'll get into some questions I have for Samantha:
I saw you mouth the words "I'm fine, I'm fine" on the TV and while very relieved, I was shocked. Like ummm you didn't look fine hunnie. You had blood pouring from your face like a medium Hawaiian Punch fountain soda at the Whitman Hanson Burger King. Want to know what this tells me? You're a warrior who remains calm in the time of crisis.
But I'm sorry. Is this the same girl who acts like one mistake with your/you're is the next Steve Harvey Miss America debacle?? HOW ABOUT YOU BRING SOME OF THIS COMPOSURE TO THE COMPUTER, STRETCH. Where's this stoic, nose-bleeding warrior been when you are editing my posts. I mean COME ON. Your face gets mangled on national television and you are telling everyone you're "fine," but GOD FORBID I send a picture of our Sporting Chic debit cards on email. If that happens, we're not fine, OH NO WE ARE NOT FINE. We'll lose all of our money, Instagram will deactivate Sporting Chic and your sister will end up in prison for tax evasion and Brittney Spears replica t shirt copyright infringement.
We've seen Jekyll and Hide, we've seen Two Face in batman, and now, America, we have seen Samantha Mewis: 1/2 Gryffindor, 1/2 Hufflepuff. 1/2 American Soccer Warrior Princess, 1/2 panic-stricken spastic editor wearing butterscotch glasses thick enough to withstand a runover with her Nisan Versa hatchback.
Regardless, I think it's time we start broadcasting the fighter within you. I say we start a new merch collection called the Samantha Mewis Toughness line. We can start with the first OFFICIAL Sporting Chic nose plugs:
**Use as a tampon at your own risk**