I'm a crazy, competitive psychopath. Being an athlete my entire life, I grew up competing with everyone at everything. Not just at practice, but at home, at school, at the gym, etc. I have no doubt that being competitive and wanting to win has helped me become a professional athlete. I also think that as a twenty-five year old, I need to do a little bit of a better job of controlling my temper in what I call "backyard sports."
Yesterday at IPF, (our strength and conditioning performance center) I had a temper-tantrum after losing to Steph and some of the professional hockey players we work out with.
It was the end of a really tough workout and we were split up into three teams for the final drill. Team Attitude, which Steph was on obviously, Team Athlete, and Team Alpha, ME. The drill was med-ball relay. There were deductions for turning the wrong way, for not having two hands on the ball at all times, and for not placing the ball perfectly on each line.
We end up losing to Team Attitude due to one mistake. Our ball wasn't "perfectly balanced" on the line. This is when the tantrum starts brewing.
PHASE 1: Pretending not to care. I completely act like its not a big deal. It's just a game in a gym on a Friday that doesn't mean anything. People have bigger problems than this. I try to laugh, walk it off and giggle with my team and say "good job" even though I really want to tell them all we're pathetic and will never amount to anything in life.
PHASE 2: Being a sore loser. I do it every time. I flip out and blurt a desperate attempt into manipulating Walter (our trainer) into thinking that Steph's team cheated. My reason was terrible but I tried to say she fixed the ball when it wasn't her turn. Walter turned to me and said "get better, not bitter." What do you even say to that? I just turned around in complete and utter shame.
PHASE 3: A ball forms in my throat. It's the beginning of a complete meltdown. Steph is chanting in my face, rubbing her eyes making a whining sound chirping me for losing. I do the fake bend over hamstring stretch because for some reason I feel like I might cry. Crying at my age in a relay race is more embarrassing than wearing navy blue with black. (if you do this please see my Fashion section for tips)
PHASE 4: You have to just continue the day knowing you're a loser and got beat. Food doesn't taste good, The Office isn't funny anymore, and I just watch Steph walking around the apartment wishing what I call "minor bad things" would happen to her- like she burns her protein pancakes or loses her phone in the couch.
I thought I'd share this because I don't think I'm alone in having "backyard losses" linger throughout the day. I don't think I'll ever, nor do I want to get to a point where having a bad practice or a bad game doesn't affect me. Losing sucks. All athletes know that. But I wonder if I'll ever get to a point where I'm not wishing malice on Steph, or throat-chopping my sister to win the Easter egg hunt.