Congratulations to all 40 women who were selected in the NWSL draft on Thursday. Getting drafted and knowing I was officially going to live out my dream of being a professional soccer player has been one of the coolest/proudest moments of my life to date. Enjoy the opportunity to do what you love!
Also, it was great to see how amazing the venue looked and all the excitement around the draft as a whole on social media. I saw this picture on twitter from Sunil Gulati, the president of U.S. soccer, and absolutely love what it represents. This in itself is tangible proof showing how far the NWSL has come and is a great indication for the future of our league.
With that being said, let's get to the topic everyone is talking about, #TimeoutGate. I saw some of the tweets about timeouts from different media members, about how they were hungry, should have carboloaded, needed coffee etc. I followed the draft via Facebook live and Twitter and got to thinking:
What does sporting Chic have to do to get a media pass for the 2018 NWSL draft, with the sole purpose of providing entertainment during timeouts? Here's what we'd have on tap:
A) Round one: Kristie would put on an athleisure fashion show during all timeouts in round one
B) Round two: Sam could read her hippie poetry on a stool she made of wood from the trees behind her house
C) Round three: I would do stand up comedy (2 jokes per timeout)
D) Round four: We all eat as many Pringles as we can and ride it out together
Secondly, what did people expect? Why wouldn't every team use their timeouts. It's obviously a major decision and the more time you have to deliberate, the better. Can you IMAGINE getting to have timeouts in real life when you were caught in a pickle, or had a to make a difficult choice? It's the closest thing we have to stop time. In the past five years, if I had three timeouts, I would have used them in the following situations.
1. When I spilled red Gatorade all over the new oriental rug my mom bought for the living room. She was in the kitchen and heard me yell, "Oh, s***!" Her wide flat feet immediately began slapping and pounding my way. At that point, I believed life as I knew it was over. I had about 3.5 seconds to figure out a) how to cover the stain and b) come up with a reason why I cried out in fear. But of course, because there are no timeouts in real life, my mom caught me red handed and accused me of purposefully ruining an "antique family heirloom." Shout out to Gina for using the heirloom tag on a rug we had for two weeks, when it is typically something that gets passed down for generations. You're a real trailblazer.
2. The time I ran into my high school boyfriend and his new girlfriend at the movies when I was seeing Hunger Games alone. So I'm waiting in line to get popcorn and I see the two of them bee-lining it toward me. We make eye contact. Here's where I could have used a timeout. Do I a) play it cool and say, "Yeah I'm confident enough to go to the movies alone. You must really miss me." Or b) pretend I'm already with someone who is saving our seats. I ended up going with choice B on the fly, not having accounted for the fact that they were also seeing Hunger Games and saw me in the theatre sitting with no one else around me. The timeout could have helped me plan this out better. I haven't heard from him since.
3. General timeout situation- when someone asks you in person to hang out, and all you want to do is to be a Netflix binging, goat cheese and crackers garbage disposal. This wouldn't be a full timeout, because I already know what I want to do. All I would need is like 15 seconds to come up with an excuse so outlandish that they would a) never second-guess and b) never think it was something they could accompany me on.
Anything less than that, or coming clean about your plans to veg, could result in the most dreaded follow up question in adult life known to mankind- "Oh, can I just come over and hang then?" No, no you can't. It's just not the same. I can't get crumbs in the sheets. I can't lay in my bed spread out like a starfish. I can't tilt the computer at whatever 37 degree angle is comfortable for me in each 15 minute window. Rule to live by: never be a Netflix crasher. Some things just aren't a team sport.
With all that said, congratulations again to the NWSL draftees. Everyone who wants us there next year as timeout entertainment, make sure you let the league know. We'll be waiting for our press pass in the mail.